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Stoney Baloney | A Narrated Cannabis Column


Dec 27, 2019

It couldn’t be avoided. Something had to be said. Sometimes a guy needs to be told what’s up. Because there’s a cultural threshold of which most of us are aware and for those who aren’t, it’s vital that they be shown perspective.

We’re talking about the survival of humanity.

You see, there are times when you can continue to turn your head and pretend that you’re not bothered by something immeasurably out of sorts, or you can be proactive and deliver the words that need to be spoken that everyone wants to say, but are too passive to do so. It’s kind of like when there’s a screaming kid on an airplane. Everyone just bows their head and silently hopes the spoiled little terror will shut the fuck up, but it only gets worse. And that desperately needed hero never steps in to maintain the sanity of the collective air, therefore that entire section of the plane is forced to hear the maniacal tantrum in uncomfortably close proximity. All anyone wishes for is to do their time in the crowded cabin peacefully, but because no one is willing to risk being labeled an “asshole”, everyone suffers a painful episode of unbearable tolerance.

I admit it. I have never had the stones to be that person on the aircraft. And we all know that it’s because we are dealing with children.

But then there are adults.

And this clueless soul standing in front of me buying his cheap pre-roll needed to be informed of the absurdity of the utterly disturbing mindfuck he was imposing onto the world with his disregarded choice, or lack of choice, of clothing.

“Dude, you’re wearing a Coca Cola knockoff hat that says Enjoy Cocaine and a t-shirt with Bob Marley smoking a joint that says Positive Vibrations. That’s just wrong, Man.”

“Oh, I just threw this on when I got up this morning.”

Fucking moron.