May 31, 2019
Leaving Las Vegas is like coming down off cocaine. It sucks. Well, probably because you are coming down off cocaine. Because there’s nothing fun about returning to your mild-mannered desk job after getting a taste of what it’s like to be a rock star. In fact, no one ever said, “Thank God that’s over, now I get...
May 24, 2019
Guess what the leading cause for divorce is. Marriage. You know why? Because when you’re young and horny and good looking and fit and ambitious and wild and optimistic and horny, the idea of growing old with someone who can shoulder half the responsibilities seems like a great plan. And the honeymoon sounds like a...
May 17, 2019
Who doesn’t love robots? I’ll bet even the Dali Lama loves robots. Cats don’t like robots, but that’s their problem. I’m pretty sure my vacuum cleaner is a robot.
Ever since the 1950’s when television popularized human-like machines with electronic voices and construction crane extremities, we’ve imagined...
May 10, 2019
Alexander the Great, what a fucking name! But how much do you actually know about him?
Sure, he was a successful conqueror and all, but how successful do you have to be in your lifetime, or how many victories to you have to compile, to deserve the title “the Great”? I mean, a guy can call himself that all day long,...
May 3, 2019
Puppy dog breath. Can you define the smell? Because it doesn’t smell like anything else. They are so new and young, but their breath is borderline noxious. Is it the food, or an odd combination of a strange bacteria paired with the culture of milk from the mommy? What is it that goes on in that soft, warm potbelly?...