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Stoney Baloney | A Narrated Cannabis Column


Dec 20, 2019

I have a lot of friends and many of us share a common thread woven into the fabric of who we are, which gives us cohesion. And it is the fact that we all love Cannabis. So, it’s no surprise that we’re often looking for new and interesting ways to be entertained by circumstances that somehow offer a slight bend on our perspective that other people would find predictable and commonplace. Because with Cannabis, that perspective can be happily heightened with one quick dose. And we think that is fun when the result the realization that we’ve tricked society by finding a new angle on something that wasn’t envisioned either by the creator, or the person viewing it.

Einstein said, “I never made one of my discoveries through the process of rational thinking.”

One of our favorite pastimes is scouring the hoods for garage sales. And it’s not even that we want to buy anything that someone is discarding, but more importantly to get a look into their secret lives to determine their personality type. You see, the artifacts people no longer wish to possess is very indicative of their secret identity when you peel away those outer layers to find the hidden gem that reveals their level of weirdness.

Call it a fetish. Or a form of people watching.

We have a rating system where we’ll score these unsuspecting folks on a sliding scale and then apply the results to a predetermined algorithm that equates to a final digit. It’s kind of complicated. When you’re not stoned, I mean. Then, that numerical figure determines the number of milligrams Davey Dabs will be required to vape before Rachel the Ripper will bake his favorite chocolate cookies with Reese’s peanut butter chips.

Don’t judge.

Once Davey Dabs discovered a Big Wheel with a plastic baggy of old bud that had been stashed in one of the empty seat pegs and forgotten about. He purchased the Big Wheel but threw away the weed.

Davey Dabs only does dabs.