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Stoney Baloney | A Narrated Cannabis Column

Jun 4, 2021


And why is he always hanging around? The dude is a good 20 years older than Davey Dabs and the Dabby Bunch, so the unconventional dynamic would naturally inspire one’s curiosity. Where Johnny Joints is more of a Lynyrd Skynrd Gen Xer, Rachel the Ripper is into hip hop and The Swashbuckling Shatterbrain Shane loves Maroon 5. Davey Dabs, who refers to them as Moron 5, is into anything with a sitar, a harpsichord, a Kurzweil, or a washboard.

And it’s not that there’s any judgment for musical preferences around the house, but Davey Dabs has initiated somewhat of an ongoing competition with Johnny Joints if for no other reason than to prove that personal artistic preferences should evolve past high school.

Why did Davey Dabs begin this ongoing challenge with Johnny Joints? Well, he will tell you that Johnny Joints reminds him of his uncle who resides in a log cabin off the grid in Alaska. And although Davey Dabs respects Johnny Joints’ affinity to the flower with regard to the full spectrum, he prefers to brandish and spin a pistol-sized torch from a hand-stitched holster in Wyatt Earp fashion while wielding his infamous draw before providing his explanation as to why this is. “To smoke is to burn, but to dab is to heat.”

“There’s nothing more intimidating than fire,” he’ll boast. “Fire is pure energy.” Davey Dabs has read the entire Harry Potter series and views fire as magic.

So, Johnny Joints is the registered owner of the house that the three rent. And as the handyman, pool guy, landscape guy, etc., he is generally around for the regular sesh. He inherited the place from his dearly departed Grandma and now it’s basically his full-time job just renting it out while still living with his redneck Mother. He only smokes joints but won’t turn down some quality black Lebanese hash if it’s going around. 

And by the way, Johnny Joints has whispered to Davey Dabs that he believes Shatterbrain Shane is a “closet homosexual."