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Stoney Baloney | A Narrated Cannabis Column

Aug 7, 2020

If you ever wanna get out of something that you don’t feel like doing, like work for instance, or for that matter anything that requires effort—well, claiming mental illness is great justification! And there are more options than ever these days, each with its very own prescription to help you avoid the daily nuisance of validating your contribution to society. Simply select a condition that comfortably suits your personality and you’re covered!

Now back to our regularly scheduled program.

How did this happen? Maybe I’m clueless, but it feels like it used to be that if someone even hinted that you may not be of stable mind, the allegation could create deep divisions. You see, mental illness has not always been this open to interpretation—without the clear-cut categories that currently exist, people simply sadly labeled you as either retarded, or crazy. But it is different now in this era where every kid gets a trophy. The alleged will proudly regard their self-diagnosed neurosis as the result of society’s oppression, wielding their disorder as a protest to conformity.

“Confront me and I will spray you with justice repellant!”

To be fair, all people who make the claim of instability should be taken very seriously.

Once they get that evasive clinical analysis, that is.

Because the problem is not their affliction, it is the fact that they exploit it with no valid data to prove they’re not just simply insecure and lazy. And in this world of nearly 8 billion head cases, it’s becoming increasingly difficult to separate who is actually mentally mangled from the entitled brats who want an excuse to pocket pity.

So, can you please just do your job? You’re not the only mother fucker to feel what it’s like to be an outcast.

I’ve been a stoner since before you were born.