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Stoney Baloney | A Narrated Cannabis Column


Jan 3, 2020

People have been attempting to place identifiable descriptors to the days of the week for as long as there have been calendars. And as technology has advanced and created more demand for higher yields outside of the once standard nine to five workday, our schedules have fluctuated, signifying that we are now officially a twenty-four-hour society. Therefore, it’s safe to say that the timetable that was made commonplace for the past two thousand plus years is now completely out of whack.

But we, as those who work best within the stability of organization, still find it necessary to hold true to a particularly standardized schedule in order to effectively compartmentalize our lives and bring the highest productivity. And productivity ultimately equates to more movement of machines and people on Saturdays and Sundays. Of course, that’s assuming you like Saturdays and Sundays. Because believe it or not, some people actually like Mondays. And for some, Mondays are really Fridays. And for others, Saturdays are actually Mondays. I know, trying to rationalize this concept makes your head spin.

Saying that we’ve complicated things is an understatement. Instead of stating, “I have the next two days free from having to be at my job,” people will apply what they know as the easiest shortcut to describe the meaning they are attempting to convey.

“Today is my Saturday.”

“But today is Wednesday.”

“Yes, I know, but for me it’s Saturday.”

“Congratulations?”

It’s true, the days of the week have become as interchangeable as the heads on your electric toothbrush.

Do you know what it’s called when you start partying hard on Friday night and eventually find you’re watching the sunrise Sunday morning and you haven’t slept a wink in 40 hours because you love booze and cocaine? That’s called Fraturunday.

By the way, that never happens to a stoner.