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Stoney Baloney | A Narrated Cannabis Column

Sep 27, 2019

Every guy in the world owes a beer to the dude who invented yoga pants. Because he, thankfully, killed Mom Jeans like Grunge music killed Cock Rock back in the day. And I think everyone can agree that yoga pants are a vast improvement. All women look better in them, no matter the shape, and no matter whether they’ve ever even attempted a downward dog. Yoga pants are always an improvement.

You ladies feel better in them, too, which improves your attitude, which improves your relationships. And your man (or woman) appreciates the refined look. Everyone wins.

They’re practical and interchangeable, great for lying around, or dressing up. You ladies can hike in them, grocery shop in them, go to dinner in them.

You can do yoga in them.

You can use cannabis and do yoga in them. It’s a thing.

Yoga pants are true. They don’t cover a woman’s face like make up and they don’t give the illusion of tallness like high heels. Instead, they accentuate the lovely curves of a woman’s body, tightening and compressing the outline from the hips to the ankles, oftentimes accentuating the robust roundness, or the sexy slenderness, while simply embellishing the natural gift of femininity.

Please don’t ever invent these form fitting yoga pants for straight men, though. I’m pretty sure someone once tried in the 80’s. Maybe that’s what helped define the term Cock Rock.