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Stoney Baloney | A Narrated Cannabis Column

Sep 20, 2019

I was in a cannabis retail shop and heard a man call weed “weeds”. He meant to call it weed, but he mistakenly added an “s”. It was a silly slip up, but not really. Because he was right, they are weeds. But a lot of people call it flower. So, which is it?

The Merriam-Webster Dictionary defines weed as:

  • A valueless plant growing wild
  • Any desirable or troublesome plant, especially one that grows profusely where it is not wanted.

I’m pretty sure we’re shopping for flowers. In fact, many of the flowers sold for Valentine's day, for which we’ve all at least once paid a significant price, should be called weeds.

Think about it. Stuff your honker into the best bouquet of your local grocery store and you’ll be hard pressed to ascertain much of any effervescence at all. You’ll be vacuum sniffing the roses into light-headedness pining for that essence of romance, hoping you don’t swallow a bee with your nostril. Meanwhile, mosey into the detergent aisle and you’ll find the air freshener smells more like rose petals than the rose petals smell like rose petals. But walk in to any legal cannabis shop and you know you’re in the olfactory factory. Because there’s absolutely no mistaking that superlicious scent that has you pondering whether some mother fucker grew some fire ass dizzy dank, or Pepe Le Pew just farted.

So, if these are actual “weeds” that we’re using, there are some people taking painstaking measures to cultivate some gorgeous, smelly weeds. The nicest weeds I’ve ever seen to be quite honest. In fact, let’s keep calling it weeds. Fine with me. These are some beautiful weeds. I think I’ll fire some up right now.

Ahhhh, that’s beautiful.

I wonder if you can vape rose petals.

Anyway, who in the fuck is this Merriam Webster person?