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Stoney Baloney | A Narrated Cannabis Column


May 27, 2024

It’s getting extremely difficult to differentiate between feelings in the cyber world and the real world. I mean, how do you know the true intention of someone who communicates with smiley faces blowing heart kisses, or gushes copious amounts of tears when they find something to be funny, yet won’t return your phone call for four days? Come to think about it, I can’t remember the last time I laughed so hard I cried.

I wish it happened more often.

I think I’m starting to get it, though. These icons represent a version of what that person is intending to feel, so it is our job to know this and just go with it. It is a sentiment they wish they were truly able to experience, but so extreme that actualizing it is unrealistic. However, so long as we all know what the intended emotion is, than that makes them an amazing person who understands the gravity of the moment, which quantifies them as incredibly thoughtful, interesting, and intuitive. Even though they are not interesting at all.

You see, what I find in real life is that if you’re caught crying, or laughing too hard, you’re perceived as weird and awkward, and therefore avoided. Like someone might not feel comfortable looking you directly into the eyes with piercing meaning and giving you a hard hug, so they’ll cheer you up by texting you an eyeball, a heart, and a female sheep. But to actually say “I love you” is on a level that is far too personal. Which makes things weird and awkward, and therefore avoided.

What we’ve become is a society bent on connecting through emojis. I’m pretty sure they mastered that craft thousands of years ago in Egypt when it was called Cuneiform. Now we have something called evolved language, but nonetheless have resorted back to hieroglyphics.

Sometimes I wish these people’s minds would literally blow. Or is that the emoji for when you puff the world’s most amazing bong hit?

I can’t fucking tell anymore.