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Stoney Baloney | A Narrated Cannabis Column


Apr 15, 2024

Most well-rounded people will agree that just because you can effectively navigate your way around a video game, a streaming service, or pretty much anything that has to do with sitting on your ass in front of a screen, it does not necessarily make you worldly. Like, just because you saw a movie scene set under the Eiffel Tower, it doesn’t mean you can escargot there in conversation.

Get it? Whatever Becky.

The world is full of analytical dweebs who can dissect algorithms, but while this ability of moving numbers can equate to more of them in your bank account, too much can result in a complete failure at life. Because one of the most important aspects for being a valued component to this remarkable existence is possessing the ability to socialize with other people.

I mean actual interaction. Face to face. Eye to eye. Not profile to profile.

Behold the modern nerd. It is an individual who, in their mind, is a fun loving, exciting person who fancies exploration. Just so long as it doesn’t mean leaving the house.

But these geeks are having their day because the information age churns them out at such an alarming rate that anti-social behavior is the new black. To them it’s perfectly acceptable to wear a face mask and keep the eyes peeled to the ground in a grocery store while stocking the cart with microwaveable fish sticks and instant mashed potatoes, but if a stranger were to offer to help carry one of the bags to their car, the dweeb might spray them with mace and call the woke police.

Anyway, the real meaning of Big Bang Theory is their concept of finally getting laid.

And Stoney Baloney is the rock-hard remnants of a mom-made sandwich that’s been marooned in the refrigerator for 8 days.