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Stoney Baloney | A Narrated Cannabis Column

Jun 25, 2021

It was Albert Einstein who declared the opinion that to continue to do the same thing while expecting a different result, falls under the category of insanity. Yet, in his pursuit of the perfect dab, Davey Dabs has determined that repetition is the best possible way to discover the elusive eureka moment just as Alexander Graham Bell invented the telephone through the tedium of creative rhythm.


He ascribes this philosophy to life itself while tutoring his best friend, Rocky the Pitbull. “It is more important to know what you don’t want in life,” he will counsel, “than what you do want.” To Davey Dabs, life is a long series of experiments, some failed, some delightfully successful.


It is his opinion that to attain this elusive accomplishment, one must first come to terms with obvious physical limitations within the human body. So, to begin, he will attempt to purge himself of any static that may prevent this moment of enlightenment from being reached, by first initiating a 10-minute Mindful Moment meditation through the app on his “not so” smartphone. After, he’ll take a cold shower before meticulously manscaping himself, which he likens to detailing his prized 1977 AMC Gremlin named Gizmo that rolls on 20-inch wheels. He will then don an altar boy vestment that has stayed in his possession since grade school and proceed to take a seat at the hand-crafted dab bar that stands erect at the aft of the garage. He will enable the Dabfuser that creates vapor from the churning water once the hash oil is dripped and then politely summon the almighty energy source that coalesces all things into one connected consciousness.


“If you are looking for your true self,” he tells Rocky while the foggy mist exits the mouth, nostrils, and ears, “It is at the opposite end of the kaleidoscope, figuratively speaking.”


By the way, Davey Dabs believes that all dabs are perfectly imperfect, much like Rocky the Pitbull’s inquisitive face.