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Stoney Baloney | A Narrated Cannabis Column


May 17, 2019

Who doesn’t love robots? I’ll bet even the Dali Lama loves robots. Cats don’t like robots, but that’s their problem. I’m pretty sure my vacuum cleaner is a robot.

Ever since the 1950’s when television popularized human-like machines with electronic voices and construction crane extremities, we’ve imagined a future of leisure where we’ll never have to butter our own toast, change the channel, or be lonely. And in time, they’ve become sleeker and more dynamic with each advent of new technology, many of which are set to task to complete the jobs that most of us don’t want to do. Like treading through mine fields, exploring the inside of a volcano, or taking sex from a grunting pervert.

Robots are modern slaves.

And they say that eventually, their computing minds will develop to the point to where they can think for themselves. So, at what point will they start demanding equal rights? And equal pay?

Eventually, the art of artificial intelligence will have been so well integrated, that differentiating a boxing robot from the Real Deal Holyfield will have its challenges. So, you’ve got to imagine that there will come a time when celebrity robots are an accepted part of mainstream popular culture. And further, there will be a point at which we can’t tell the difference between their real human tendencies and our own.

Your bartenders will be robots. And NFL players, too. In fact, robots will have cool gigs and live in lush habitats while other robots clean their dirty dishes. Or us.

There will be no way to differentiate them from real humans.

Except for the bloodshot eyes, of course.