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Stoney Baloney | A Narrated Cannabis Column


May 10, 2019

Alexander the Great, what a fucking name! But how much do you actually know about him?

Sure, he was a successful conqueror and all, but how successful do you have to be in your lifetime, or how many victories to you have to compile, to deserve the title “the Great”? I mean, a guy can call himself that all day long, but for other people to do it and do it for a couple thousand years and counting, he’s got to be one hugantinormous championshiptastic gangsterlicious brocicle. And I say “guy” because women aren’t nearly as ridiculous as men. In fact, only a guy would use the term hugantinormous championshiptastic gangsterlicious brocicle.

Now, there are extraordinary people to whom the title “The Greatest” has at least one time been applied when alluding to their craft. Like Michael Jordan, the greatest basketball player; Marlon Brando, the greatest actor; Kanye West, the greatest rock star. But how influential do you have to be to be called, or to call yourself, “The Great”?

It’s equivalent to being named the greatest of the great.

If you read the history books, they’ll tell you that Alexander the Great never lost a battle, that he was a military mastermind, one of the most influential people that ever lived. But I think it’s safe to say that Mozart never wrote a shitty tune. And Nabisco never made a shitty cookie.

So then, is it plausible to agree that greatness is entirely in the eye of the perceiver? That the title is completely subjective to when that person lived and what they did to gain notoriety?

And that while people will boast of their own greatness, kind of like every cannabis company claims to have the greatest weed, in reality the validity of the claim is proven only with time.

By the way, does Kanye know how to play the guitar? Or sing?